Thought I was "healed".

Tonight a friend of mine Jean invited me to a Tree of Light Rememberance Wreath Memorial Service. It's for people that have lost whether that be miscarriage, infant or child.

It has been about 3 years since my last miscarriage and I truly thought that things were better. Yes, I think about my babies everyday. Everyday I look at the tattoo I got for them and wish they were with me. EVERYDAY! But you know, I was doing good, I have Kamryn who is the love of my life. I am no longer in tears everytime I think about them.

So tonight I went to in all honesty to help support Carly and Jean since their losses were more recent then mine. But you know what? I wasn't much support.

I still hurt! I still miss my babies terribly and I cried! I cried a lot during the service. To be surrounded by people that are in the same boat as you and some whose loss were just a couple months new was heartwretching and comforting at the same time. To know that I'm not alone and that people are losing babies everyday. It felt good to let my feelings out to not be ashamed or imbarrassed that yes, I still hurt.

One saying that hit me hard was:

Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.

I truly hope that my babies are happy in heaven and that when it's my time to go they are there to greet me at the gates of heaven and welcome their mommy home.

I love and miss you always!

Love Mommy! XX OO

Thanks for inviting me Jean.